BREAKING NEWS — Sources say the Steelers have also decided to part ways with the letter “L” in their team name. After restructuring the contract of the extraneous “H” in Pittsburgh, the team was hopeful that they could reach an agreement to keep the letter “L” for one more season.
“It was a tough decision to get rid of such an integral part of the team, but it was time that we moved on.” says Mike Tomlin, “The L was like the backbone of this team’s name. He always just rolled off the tongue, and he always provided that extra bit of pronunciation that made saying the name possible.” A similar move by Kansas City last year nearly ruined the team, and the Chefs [sic] failed to reach the playoffs.
Whether the team will phonetically survive with three consecutive vowels is yet to be seen. With this decision, the Steeers [sic] have freed up nominal character space in their name. Whether the letter “L” will be replaced by new text is yet to be decided. The leadership role of “L” will not easily be filled, though, especially by vowels, or the letters “X”, “Q”, “J” or “W”.
Though this decision is raining unpopular with much of the fan base, Steeers management defends the decision. “We felt that eight letters was just too much for this team. But this action is more than just hitting the delete key on the keyboard. The letter ‘L’ will be remembered and celebrated by this team, at least until the ‘Undo’ actions of the word processor are reset.”