Hossa to Staal: An Open Letter

March 1st, 2013 by Benstonium

Jordan Staal How to Play Against Your Former Team: an Open Letter from Marian Hossa to Jordan Staal.

By DX Traeger (@PolemicLicense)

Dear Jordan,

I know we only played 32 games as teammates on the Pittsburgh Penguins in 2008, but I would like to try and help you fulfill your former-Penguin superstar potential.

This is your 7th season in the league, which means that you are now entering the switching teams prime of your career. Take me, for instance: after spending my first 7 years in the league with Ottawa, I showed the league my versatility, and played for 4 different teams in a span of 3 years.

Mario Lemieux was great, but why spend your entire career on just one team? He could have done so much more by chasing a paycheck, like Gretzky, Messier and Brett Hull did.

Just think about all these former Penguins that made their mark by having zero loyalty: Paul Coffey (9 teams), Marc Recchi (7 teams), Alexei Kovalev (5 teams), Martin Straka (6 teams), Robert Lang (8 teams), Colby Armstrong (4 teams), and of course, Jaromir Jagr (5 teams).

My countryman Martin Straka was even going to help me write this letter, but his garage door fell on his head and he broke his arm, or something like that.

If you need more convincing, even Rico “Freaking” Fata understood changing jerseys, because he played for 5 teams despite being…how you say…himself?

So, Jordan, what I’m saying is, it’s nice to have a long term contract, and it’s nice to play alongside family. You bear the legacy of No Loyalty, and I hope you use your money to help you achieve your travel dreams.

Feeling stuck in Carolina? Buy a Ferrari, kill a teammate in a fiery crash, and seek a trade like my old teammate in Atlanta, Danny Heatley, did.

Hate your new team? Stop trying- I mean, like, at all- and get traded again (I call that move “the Jeff Carter”).

There are so many ways to show the Penguins that they made a mistake by trying to sign you to a long term contract, and I hope you choose whatever way works best for you.

Best of luck,

Marian Hossa