The Face of the NHL: Crosby or Ovechkin
Ever since their rookie seasons, NHL superstars Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin have waged a fierce and often-times personal battle to be number one. Despite their mutual successes, when the league brass at the NHL offices in Toronto sat down to choose a player to serve as the face of the NHL, their decision was simple: Alexander Ovechkin scores goals, but Sidney Crosby scores goals and doesn’t look like a mutant.
These two bitter rivals will once again face-off in Pittsburgh, less than 48-hours after the Penguins captain took a puck to the face. Throughout his career, Crosby has overcome head-rattling concussions and teeth-shattering collisions, so Pens coach Dan Bylsma is confident that his star will once again bounce back.
“Crosby has been through this before,” says Bylsma. “This minor aesthetic setback will not hinder his performance when he takes the ice tonight.” With a shortened season and a mug like a Lord of the Rings orc, it doesn’t look like all the BOTOX® and facial creams in the NHL can get Ovi back into contention.
With his coach’s approval, Crosby is prepared to take the ice against his bitter rival and soon-to-be GEICO spokesman. “Going face-to-face with a neanderthal like Ovi is always intimidating.” Crosby recalls his first game against Ovechkin, “I had heard stories about his puck-handling skills, but no one prepared me for a face only Mother Russia could love. I honestly thought I was squaring up against Sloth from the Goonies.” The rivalry would only continue to intensify, despite Crosby’s peace-offering of a Baby Ruth candy bar.
Capitals coach Adam Oates defended his facially-challenged superstar, “He just needs to step-up and not let those negative thoughts get inside his bulbous head. I tell him to keep his head up during games–mainly so he doesn’t see his reflection on the ice.”
Like Ovechkin’s front teeth, the gap in this on-going rivalry is only getting wider. Crosby’s face is now widely-regarded as the most hated and easiest-to-look-at face in the NHL. “When he trash-talks or argues a call, I get so hypnotized by how GORGEOUS his mouth is,” gushes a Philadelphia Flyer player that begged to remain unnamed. “Gosh, I was so excited to bite [Kris] Letang, imagine what I’d do if…”
With bruises, black eyes, and lost teeth, there aren’t many hockey players whose face can bring a crowd of teenage girls to their feet like Crosby’s. It’s no coincidence that Crosby currently leads his 1st place Penguins with 14 points, while Ovechkin’s numbers reflect the performance of his last place Capitals. It may be time for #8 to face reality, or at least get some major dental work.