With the election fast approaching, Benstonium turns it efforts to helping Pittsburghers to avoid voting like a jagoff. Before yinz head to the polls (not the ones at Erotica), here are a few things to remember as an informed Pittsburgh voter.
Archive for the ‘original’ Category
Benstonium was asked by the Tribune-Review for a quote regarding “Tornado Boy” Tyler Tubbs. This is what we sent them…
“When I first came across Tyler, I immediately recognized the viral potential of his tornado video. Growing up in Hempfield Township myself, and having years of experience producing viral videos, I knew that the world of viral videos is as unpredictable as a tornado in Hempfield Township. One minute this iPod-weilding storm-chaser was face-to-face with imminent peril, or at least a damaged iPod and a bad hair day, and the next minute he is being swept away to the wonderful world of internet super-stardom. (more…)
A story inspired by true events…
I was having a rough day. It didn’t start off well since I “Shaved my face with a rusty razor”, so I decided to head out to the local bar. I figured I would “Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek” because I owed him a drink. (more…)
Benstonium Exclusive: A pre-made Hines Ward farewell tribute video was leaked out of the Steelers’ Media Office this past weekend…seems like they knew his fate all along. As it appears from the video, the Steelers are already preparing for a PR backlash if they decide to release Ward, pushing most of the blame on the future Hall-of-Famer.
BREAKING PARODY NEWS (Pittsburgh) — This week, in a drastic move to address their offensive line troubles, the Pittsburgh Steelers have decided to replace what is left of their current front five with cardboard cutouts of the respective players. They anticipate the move will free up $30,000 in cap room per game and provide nearly an equal amount of protection for soon-to-be HoverRound spokeman Ben Roethlisberger.
Ben will now have the assurance of an offensive line that is completely immune to injury, as the Steelers training staff will be (more…)
BREAKING NEWS (Pittsburgh) — This morning, the new Chuck Noll Way was unveiled on the Pittsburgh’s North Shore running parallel to Art Rooney Way and Tony Dorsett Drive. This was the city’s top choice for honorary roadway with runners-up including the Santonio Holmes Highway, The Kordell Stewart Bi-Pass [sic], The Roger Goodell Toll Road, and Bungals Drive, which has been astonishingly stopped in all directions leading into Pittsburgh since it was built. The ceremony was delayed as all traffic at the Jeff Reed Intersection was diverted wide left. This is the first honorarily named route since The Polamalu Interchange, a stretch of interstate with a No Passing Zone that leads unsuspecting drivers to it’s inexplicable and often fatal dead-end.