SJ: One NHL Apology Away From Breaking Record

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SAN JOSE, CA – Last night San Jose Sharks forward Timo Meier was as handy as a Swiss Army Knife when he single handedly assisted on the Sharks controversial game winning overtime goal handing the Sharks a 2-1 series lead, in what some are calling “hands down” the most interesting series in the Conference Finals.

While the Sharks, on paper, are hand over fist the better team, the Blues have actually handed them a very competitive series thus far. But it seems that all momentum could have changed hands last night as St. Louis Blues fans are comparing the ending of Game 3 to “the worst hand job they’ve ever received” after what appeared to be a blatant hand pass leading to the Sharks game winning tally.

NHL officials have been very busy this post-season coming out with their hands up and issuing yet another apology on blown calls that seemed to propel the Sharks into the win column, which has them tied for the league post season record at two (2) official league apologies. The first of course coming on a phantom 5 minute major penalty called on Vegas Golden Knights forward Cody Eakin in crucial first round game 7 that led to 4 unanswered goals and ultimately putting the Knights on the wrong side of the infamous handshake line and out of Stanley Cup contention. Blues captain Alex Pietrangelo feels that “they just handed it over to them” when the refs didn’t blow the whistle before the OT clinching goal was scored.

Sharks beloved veteran Jumbo Joe Thornton has gone on record stating “We aren’t looking for any handouts”. Making it clear that their team can in fact “handle their business” while not “forcing anyone’s hand” when it comes to these calls. ”We prefer to be very cautious and hands on when it comes to these types of situations” League commissioner Gary Bettman said to the media late Wednesday night. When asked about how the league handles these apologies Bettman assured us everything was in safe hands stating “At times like these it’s all hands on deck, you never want to be caught with your hand in the cookie jar, so to speak, and you never want things to get out of hand. Which is why we sincerely apologize to the St. Louis Blues for this loss.

You have to give a big hand to Mr. Meier for continuing the play despite the ruckus and confusion, which is why we decided to credit him with the secondary assist on the play, because it was painfully obvious that he handed the puck off like an NFL quarterback would to an All-Pro running back on the 1-yard line in the last play of the Super Bowl, but again we are sorry.”

Meier was unavailable to comment any further after abruptly ending the post-game interview saying that he had “other issues at hand”. However Meier’s agent, dawning his famous playoff handlebar mustache reminded us all that “if the glove don’t fit, then it must be an assist”. So if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands, Sharks fans, because it is what it is, and as the old saying goes.. “You don’t want to bite the hand that feeds”.

By Ron Gaita

SJ: One NHL Apology Away From Breaking Record